I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
Randomize
