Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
