I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Randomize
