k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
Randomize
