My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
Randomize
