the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
I need to wash the frat house off of me
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
