woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
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