I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
Randomize