Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
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