Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
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