if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Randomize