At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Randomize
