you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
