I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
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