I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
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