She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
Randomize
