He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
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