I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
Randomize
