Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
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