i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
