can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
well I can't set my house on fire every night
ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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