I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
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