I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
