If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
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