Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
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