so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
