That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
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