I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
