Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
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