Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
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