So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Randomize
