i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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