I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
You should frame my arrest warrant.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
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