So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
Randomize