Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Randomize
