uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
Randomize