You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
Randomize
