So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
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