um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
