She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
