Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
