dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Randomize
