Her vagina should come with caution tape.
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
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