but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
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