It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
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