we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
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