At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
Randomize
