I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
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