Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
