And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Randomize
