I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Randomize
