I'm going to jail i love you
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
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