Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
I need to align my fucking chakras
Randomize