sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
Randomize
