I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
