So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
