My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
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