Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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