Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
he quoted the bible to break up with me
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
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