North Korea, Best Korea!
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
