Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Randomize
