Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
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