Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
I'm like, not good at living.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Randomize
