pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
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