I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
Randomize
