Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
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