he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
I smell like Dick and happiness
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize
