my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
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