Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
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