I was born with a shot glass in my hand
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
That accounts for only three of the penises
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Randomize
