remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
Randomize
