when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
Randomize
