I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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