please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
