I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
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