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and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
cat food counts as protein by the way
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize
