I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Randomize
