You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
Is her dick bigger than yours?
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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