I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
Please don't give away my fajitas
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
