i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
