at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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