angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
