All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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