I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
