we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
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