Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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