Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
