You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
