i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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