We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
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