if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
Randomize
