Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
He told me they were just razor bumps!
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
Randomize
