lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
