So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
I want to be your penis for a week.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
