YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Randomize
