Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
