found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize
