so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Randomize
