morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
