I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
Randomize